‘Restiamo a casa’. E’ una frase che sentiamo ogni giorno da ormai qualche mese. La ascoltiamo in televisione, nei video che dilagano su internet, la leggiamo sul giornale, ce la ripetiamo persino da soli. Ma che cosa significa per noi, immersi in una quotidianità frenetica, stare a casa? Che cosa comporta per noi, abituati a un tempo sempre in corsa, l’obbligo di fermarci?
Costretti a passare le giornate al riparo da possibili contagi – per chi un riparo ha la fortuna di averlo -, ci troviamo, chi più chi meno, a fare i conti con le nostre solitudini. Solitudini che possono essere molto dolorose e non facili da gestire, come per chi si trova lontano dai propri cari o chi affronta la perdita di amici e familiari; chi si divide tra casa e lavoro e ha ancora meno tempo per prendersi cura di sé; chi si sente dimenticato, perso, impaurito e non sa con chi parlarne. Dall’altra parte c’è anche chi in questa situazione di ‘confinamento’ sta ritrovando se stesso e gli altri, dedicandosi alle proprie passioni e ai propri affetti; chi riassapora dopo tanto tempo il gusto di leggere un buon libro, ascoltare musica, mangiare, giocare, condividere la quotidianità insieme a chi ama. Chi penserebbe tuttavia di parlare, anche in questi casi, di solitudine?
Quando ho iniziato a lavorare a questo articolo ho chiesto ad amici e familiari che cosa significasse per loro la parola solitudine relativamente al periodo che stiamo vivendo. Le risposte sono state le più diverse: qualcuno mi ha parlato di impotenza, qualcun altro di mancanza di affetto, altri ancora di necessità, condizione rigenerante, viaggio in compagnia di sé. Ciò che mi ha colpito di queste risposte è stato, oltre alla loro varietà, come da alcune trasparisse una concezione di per sé negativa della solitudine, mentre da altre una positiva. Partendo da questa esperienza personale, ho deciso di esplorare la storia di questa parola per ritrovare una definizione comune e capire quale filo collega la solitudine al corona-virus – e quale collega noi ad entrambi.
Secondo una prospettiva psicodinamica, la solitudine nasce con noi: è infatti quando ci separiamo dal grembo materno che ne facciamo esperienza per la prima volta . La solitudine è dunque parte della nostra natura di esseri viventi e la nostra capacità di convivere con essa si svilupperà a partire da quei primissimi istanti di vita e dal rapporto che ognuno di noi ha avuto con l’ambiente che ci ha accolto e visto crescere. A differenza di altre specie, però, l’essere umano è consapevole della solitudine poiché ha sviluppato una coscienza di sé e dell’altro da sé. Guardando all’etimologia, infatti, la parola solitudine deriva dal latino ‘solus’, che deriva a sua volta dal pronome personale ‘sé’. Quando parliamo di solitudine parliamo di un’unica parola che comprende stati differenti: la condizione sociale dello stare fisicamente soli, ma anche quella individuale di sentirsi psicologicamente soli. Quest’ultima corrisponde a un complesso stato emotivo caratterizzato dal sentirsi esclusi, incompresi, o rifiutati dagli altri e/o sprovvisti di relazioni sociali che apportino un senso di integrazione sociale e forniscano opportunità per un’intimità fisica ed emotiva.
La solitudine può essere quindi considerata e vissuta come negativa o positiva in base alla percezione individuale e alle condizioni esterne: può sentirsi molto sola una persona in un posto affollato, come può non sentirsi affatto sola una persona che sta da sola. Tuttavia, nella nostra società la solitudine è considerata tendenzialmente come condizione negativa e principalmente fisica. Le ragioni di questo equivoco hanno origini storiche. A partire dal diciottesimo secolo, infatti, questa parola è stata progressivamente spogliata della sua accezione psicologica. Con l’avvento e lo sviluppo di una visione “uomo versus mondo”, nella società occidentale si è cominciato a parlare di “solitudine” riferendosi esclusivamente all’essere o al ritrovarsi soli, definizione che è sopravvissuta fino ai giorni nostri depositandosi nelle strutture sociali così come in quelle economiche, politiche e filosofiche.
La società in cui viviamo è una società ‘liquida’, come la definisce Bauman, in cui tutto cambia costantemente e velocemente: ciò comporta da una parte maggiore possibilità di scelta, dall’altra maggiore insicurezza. Inoltre, il sociologo Franco Ferrarotti descrive la nostra società come ‘cronofagica’ e ‘panlavorista’, ovvero una società in cui il tempo venduto prevale su quello vissuto e il lavoro diventa valore primario. Se ciò che definisce il benessere è il guadagno, ciò che invece non ha fini produttivi – l’ozio, la convivialità, lo stare in famiglia, in natura – perde valore e spazio. Chiunque non apporti guadagno economico viene lasciato indietro, dimenticato: anziani, disabili e senzatetto, minoranze etniche, immigrati e in generale chi è economicamente povero sono le persone maggiormente lasciate sole nella nostra società. Inoltre le donne rispetto agli uomini sono maggiormente colpite, a causa della disparità di genere, da questo tipo di solitudine che abbiamo definito come fisica, ovvero determinata da fattori sociali.
Mentre la solitudine come condizione sociale colpisce alcune persone più di altre, la solitudine psicologica – legata a fattori psicologici e alla percezione individuale – interessa tutta la società. In effetti, per quanto si possa evitare la condizione sociale di solitudine, le stesse soluzioni non sono efficaci per debellare una solitudine psicologica, che è molto più complessa da affrontare. Questo perché il rimedio alla solitudine psicologica non è tanto l’agio economico, quanto l’affetto e la capacità di creare relazioni profonde con se stessi e con gli altri. Tuttavia, appiattendo la solitudine a condizione negativa e prettamente fisica, la nostra società ha finito per evitare qualsiasi tipo di solitudine. Basta guardarsi intorno per rendersene conto: televisione, cellulare, tablet, videogiochi, oggetti usa e getta, consumismo sfrenato e inconsapevole, milioni di attività con cui riempire la propria quotidianità e quella dei propri figli, rumori continui giorno e notte, allontanamento dalla natura. Evitare la solitudine in generale ha portato ad evitare non solo tutte le situazioni in cui possiamo sentirci soli, ma anche quelle in cui possiamo stare soli, attività, quest’ultima, necessaria al benessere della persona tanto quanto lo stare con gli altri. Come suggerisce la sociologa e psicologa Sherry Turkle, infatti, “Quando non siamo capaci di restare soli, ci rivolgiamo agli altri per sentirci meno ansiosi o per sentirci vivi. […] Se non siamo in grado di stare soli, saremo ancora più soli” .
Da un punto di vista storico, si può guardare alla nascita dei social come antidoto alla solitudine. Antidoto che, per quanto possa colmare un vuoto, non può sostituire il contatto umano e a volte rischia, paradossalmente, di essere causa di solitudine anziché rimedio ad essa. Anche in questi giorni di quarantena, chiusi in casa, possiamo rinunciare alla solitudine – o comunque averne l’illusione – se abbiamo con noi un dispositivo tecnologico come la televisione, il computer o il cellulare. Ma a quale solitudine stiamo rinunciando? Se internet e le piattaforme social sono da una parte una grande risorsa che ci permette di mantenere il contatto con amici, famiglia, scuola e lavoro anche stando in casa, dall’altra sono fonti interminabili e continue di notizie e stimoli che alle volte possono generare ansia anziché sollievo, disagio anziché voglia di fare.
Così, a conferma di questo impoverimento della nostra concezione di solitudine, sembra che l’unica soluzione per sopravvivere a questa quarantena sia quella di tenersi occupati, informati, produttivi: su tutti i social dilagano video e post di ogni tipo su come riempire le nostre giornate, come sfruttare al massimo la quarantena, come restare attivi e approfittare di questo periodo di reclusione per scoprire e mostrare al mondo la nostra vocazione. Tutte queste possibilità possono contribuire a rendere più piacevoli le nostre giornate – disponibilità di lezioni, conferenze e tutorial online -, se considerate appunto come possibilità, non come obblighi, poiché il rischio è che il nostro criterio di scelta si basi ancora una volta sull’offerta esterna più che su una nostra ricerca di che cosa fa stare bene ognuno noi come individuo, come membro della società e come abitante di questo pianeta.
Forse allora vale la pena di chiedersi che cosa succederebbe se, soprattutto in questi giorni, riuscissimo a concederci ogni tanto di sentirci soli così come di stare da soli. Io vorrei, usando le parole di Calvino (Lezioni Americane, 1985), dare spazio a queste sensazioni apparentemente negative che ci prendono nei momenti di sconforto, nei momenti in cui ci sentiamo o ci troviamo, nostro malgrado, soli; così come alla necessità – davvero legittima – di voler passare qualche volta un po’ di tempo da soli, senza fare niente di speciale. Non è facile, ma se facciamo questo per noi è possibile che cambi anche la nostra percezione del mondo esterno. E’ possibile che guardandoci intorno, ci accorgiamo di tutte quelle persone che erano già sole ancora prima del dilagare del Coronavirus – anziani, senzatetto, migranti, ma anche madri, lavoratori e lavoratrici, familiari e parenti. La solitudine, questo complesso stato che comprende il fisico così come lo psicologico, il negativo come il positivo, ha a che fare con la persona nella sua interezza. Essa è parte del nostro essere umani così come la ricerca di quel contatto e calore che la tecnologia non può sostituire. E noi abbiamo bisogno di ritrovare questo spazio, questa umanità, nella nostra coscienza individuale e collettiva.
Per approfondire:
Alberti, F. B. (2018). This modern epidemic. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1754073918768876
Galgani, F. (2014). Solitudine e contesti virtuali. https://www.galgani.it/solitudine-contesti-virtuali-internet-facebook-social-network-smartphone/solitudine_e_contesti_virtuali.pdf
Maggi, S., Tarsia, A. (2020). L’interdividualità ai tempi del Covid-19: tra limite e risorse. https://www.stateofmind.it/2020/03/interindividualita-covid19/
Turkle, Sherry (2012). Connessi, ma soli?, Ted. URL http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/it/sherry_ turkle_alone_together.html.

Francesca Pirisi
Ha molti soprannomi da quando è piccola. Il suo preferito gliel'ha dato uno zio acquisito, che la chiamava sempre Amelie. Come la protagonista del film omonimo, alterna momenti di tristezza solitaria a slanci di amore verso l'umanità. Ha studiato psicologia all'Università di Padova e sta studiando canto jazz al Conservatorio di Parma con tutti i dubbi del caso - prima di fare l'audizione il momento di massima libertà canora era col phon acceso dopo la doccia. Non ha ancora capito con quale linguaggio vuole comunicare col mondo, perciò li sta provando un po' tutti. Rivendica la lentezza, la meraviglia e il diritto di curiosare e perdersi nel volo di una farfalla. In questa quarantena, trascorsa in un paesino di montagna con sette abitanti in totale, sta scoprendo una passione smodata per i cannocchiali, l'osservazione degli animali e le frittate di erbe selvatiche. Scrive per passione e necessità, oltre che per un'incontrollabile tendenza alla riflessione.
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